Those who routinely place the blame on themselves for everything, even if it has nothing to do with them, won't hesitate to believe you when you tell them they're abusive.
Because there has to be an explanation why you're leaving. Why I fucked everything up. And they'll pick apart every second of that however long relationship and go over it with a fine tooth comb, finding every mistake they made, every little hiccup and fuck up, any time they were yelling at you in what was a two way shouting match, and take the blame from you and put it all on them, Just to validate what you told them, to validate this new identity as a monster you created for them even though none of this is what you intended because they care too damn much for you to see you as anything less than perfect and, yes.
That's unhealthy. And probably contributed to a lot of the things you would call abuse.
They refuse to confront the times that you hurt them. They can't stand to think that this person would betray them like that, especially not more than once. That this person doesn't appreciate all the time given, so much time that they have none to themselves. They dedicate themselves to this person.
And yes, things get bad sometimes. Things got fucking awful and nasty and both of you said things you shouldn't have. And it's unfortuante that it went that way.
But if you call, what is at it's core, dedication, no matter the flaws surounding it, if you call dedication, abuse? Then that person is broken.
That's all I know how to do. Clearly I need to work on how I do it because I let you walk all over me and you never realized you were doing it. And that's my fault. But I am not an abuser. I am not a monster.
Maybe if we had caught things earlier, and stopped them, things might be different.
We might've been able to at least stay friends.
I'm sorry.
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